Jibberish

  Hm..Jibberish or gibberish?…i am not even sure that this is how you spell gibberish…oh well i think though that this is the kind of word that people can spell it anyway they want to?!?! Do you think? Oh well i am not even sure what i want to write about here today… I feel a bit weird and overwhelmed at the same time.
The last couple of weeks been busy, hard and draining… At work was really busy and with me by myself it was even harder…at home it was busy as well.. Kara has become quite a demanding toddler and she needs a lot of attention! I do not mind it though..i prefer to do that more than anything else in the world!
If i could be a stay home mum i would say YES right now! You might say that i could be a stay at home mum if i want to…but it is not that easy it is not easy at all!!!
My hubby and I try to save money to build and finish building our house in Romania so that one day we will be able to move there and be happy! To move back to Romania and be with our extended family… but for that to achieve we need to sacrifice now. Sacrifice and not spend enough time with our daughter unfortunately…. I mean she enjoys her time at nursery but is not the same… She started nursery when she was 9 months old because mummy had to earn a living! Even though half of my salary goes on the nursery fee! If i could only have my mum here to care for Kara! My parents did say to send Kara to Romania and we would be able to save more money like this…But she is only 2 years old! I prefer to spend a couple of hours with her in the evening and the whole weekend together than not see her for a couple of months at the time! I think that will make me feel even more depressed than i am…. I love my baby so much and i couldn’t stand be away from her more than the time i spend at work… At least when she is at nursery i know she has fun and she learns new things!
Hopefully soon we will be able to move back home and have more time with her-i will have more time to show her how much i love her and how much i love spending time with her!
It is true that sometimes she is driving me crazy especially when she is moaning and moaning or when she has tantrums. But on the other hand i feel that maybe the reason i am so inpatient is because i am so tired from being so stressed out at work… My husband says that i put too much soul into everything…Maybe he is right… I am sure he is right as i want always everything to be perfect and i hate it when i make mistakes or when i dissapoint people! I don’t like that and i want to do the best job possible and when things are not right i suffer… Silly mummy like Kara will say!
Why can i not earn money from what i love doing?? Baking, cooking and organize parties for under 5???
I am trying to work towards that gold but it all seems so far away and i cannot help not to feel depressed about it. Am i the only one that feels like this? I am sure i am not but i do feel lonely….